Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen - 1/5

Perhaps, just perhaps I expected too much from "Transformers 2". I know that already says a lot considering that I didn't even like the first film, but honestly this is pretty bottom of the barrel even for Michael Bay standards.

I'm not sure, what I wanted from this film - I does suffice my man needs for explosions and lots of dirt flying from various robot fights and blowing up monuments - but beyond that I would consider this a clusterfuck.

When you develop a film you want to remain everything to be viable in the 'world of the characters'. That is, does it make sense within the context of the film. "Transformers 2" contains almost no logic whatsoever even considering its a film about giant fighting robots. Hell, even the connections of the first film are forgotten. Like, can the government really cover up a giant robot war in the middle of Los Angeles or for that matter the destruction in China at the beginning of this film? Gas explosion? That's a lot of witnesses to pay off and a lot of information to cover up for multiple continents. If this is supposed to be 'realistic' in that sense then this doesn't make the cut. I could literally go into all the illogical story elements that plagued this film from beginning to end but that would require thousands and thousands of words and perhaps an entire book to explain the plot holes that this film falls into. Honestly, this film has a story that is a giant plot hole in itself. Why can Transformers look like people now? Why does Sam go to 'robot heaven' when he dies? Why are there so many fucking robots that have been around FOREVER and we've never even had a clue? Trying to think about it after watching it made my brain hurt enough I had to medicate myself. So just assume that if you are going to see it its better not to think at all and just tranquilize yourself with alcohol or hit yourself with a brick enough times that the plot holes don't matter.

My second criticism of "Transformers 2" has to do with the humor. Almost all of the humor is about the equivalent of "American Pie" dumbed down. I could due without the 'mom eating weed brownies', the 'jive talking twin Transformers', the random humping of everything (whether its dogs or mini robots whatever), or the grandpa Transformer that farts out parachutes. It all seemed so childish to me (and yet probably not appropriate for young kids too). It made the film feel even less 'realistic' then it could have.

Seriously, I could go on for HOURS about all the things that I hated about this film. Even for a film about fighting robots I felt bored and angry with it. Seriously, 2 and a half hours of this and I wanted a pay off. Yeah, I got some good special effects and some pretty solid fights (although the Decepticons go through a lot to bring Megatron back to life and he disappears half way through the film just like every other Transformer...seriously) but the story, the acting, and the directing are all BY FAR horrid. If you are a fan of Transformers or have a sense of humor above that of an 8 year old then I advise skipping this one. I only recommend this to the die hards and they will be disappointed. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider