Final Destination, The - 1.5/5

I don't watch "Final Destination" films to be fulfilled in thought provoking situational Horror. I don't watch them for their unique and jaw dropping storylines and I definitely don't watch them to get my fill of tear jerking acting. I watch them for clever death sequences and ridiculous red herring atmosphere. The first film was the only one with any 'real' value, so I hope you didn't expect much from "The Final Destination"...you did see "FD3" right?

Here's the kicker with "The Final Destination" (which I will refer to as "FD4" from now on as the title is just goddamn silly) is that for a franchise that only has to come up with clever deaths caused by 'fate' - this film doesn't really do that. You have one goal with this film and it doesn't accomplish that. Really? Come on, guys. It's not to say that some of the deaths aren't original (potential death caused by car wash? That's a new one) its that none of them even seem all that plausible or even that well established. "FD4" just kind of...well, it tries VERY hard to be original and it comes off as just silly. Although, there are some that work, most of the death sequences just end up being too ridiculous to be worth the time...(mumbles) killed by a fence (mumble mumble mumble).

Of course, at least the film doesn't burden us with any of that character development or story at all for the matter, to let us root for the people to survive. Wait...that's what they should have done! We get a rehashed tale of premonition that leads to 'chain deaths' and characters that, not only do I not remember their names, but really can't remember what they look like or sound like. Damn. This movie ruined my short term memory it would seem.

Even David Ellis (whom directed "FD2" and the pretty stellar opening car crash) seems to be on autopilot for this one. He doesn't even really tend to build up atmosphere to get us scared or in the mood for a random death by fate. The salon sequence is the only one that remotely does that (with lots of 'is this going to kill them...or this?' moments and is perhaps one of the few actually memorable scenes. We know it wasn't the random bit of poorly written dialogue before or after it.

I think I need to go back and watch "FD3" again, but this one might actually be worse than that one. Which takes a lot to say. The only redeemable element of this might have been that it was in 3D - which of course probably made some moments better- but also made others far cheesier. Don't quote me on that one, I didn't watch it in 3D. Eff that noise. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider