Human Centipede (First Sequence), The - 2/5

With the immense amount of hype that went into this film (Roger Ebert even went as far as to give it NO stars...ha ha) calling it grotesque and the most disturbing film ever made, it had to eventually make my list. To bad it never lived up to any of hype at all. Not only was it not the most disturbing film ever, it just turned out to be your average schlock film. Pretty disappointing.

When two fairly unintelligent NY girls get lost (and a flat tire!) in the woods of Germany, they stumble upon a mad doctor whose greatest post-retirement ambition is to sew three people together, ass to mouth, to form a human centipede. Along with some random Japanese guy that this doctor abducts, they find themselves in a very stinky situation. Now its time to escape or die in each others....arms?

"The Human Centipede" suffers from a lot of odd cliche elements, including the hype behind it. The first 15 minutes are a bore fest of poor acting and predictable plot progressions and from there it only gets a little better. Even the 'tense' moments just seemed like they were forced into place by odd pacing and over elongated torture sequences. By the time we had any real struggle between characters in the third act, most of me was checked out of the film. The cliche characters and rather simple plot just didn't invest my interest into the film at all. It was a schlock concept used to gross out watchers and that is exactly what the film decided to in its execution. Same ole, same ole.

I have to give it to director Tom Six though, his script might have been laden with simple and rather cliche Horror elements, but as a visual director he does his best to keep the viewer's interest. There are some cool shots and moments visually (like the rather interesting scene where the doctor shoots the main lady - her name escapes me - as she tries to escape) but its not near enough to keep the film afloat. Even the evil doctor's (if there isn't anything more cliche than an evil doctor let me know) rather intense and odd performance just couldn't save that character from being just one long doppelganger. Its too bad really, since with these two elements one could have done at least a little with the script, right?

It was just hard not to be insanely disappointed with "The Human Centipede". Too much hype and too little substance make this film feel like a 2D representation of its potential. Most disturbing film ever? Doesn't even touch it. Gross yeah, but disturbing? Just cliche.

BONUS RANT: What the hell was with the random guy that pulls up to the girls' car in the beginning. He just spouts random sexual things in German and then flicks his tongue and slowly drives off. It was completely random and obvious padding that added nothing to the characters or the film. Wasted minutes of my life is what I call that. 
  
Written By Matt Reifschneider