Bordello Of Blood - 2/5

Despite the success of "Demon Knight" with the "Tales From The Crypt" style finally hitting the film format, its the second film in the 'series' that seems to be just like one of the episodes. "Bordello Of Blood" might have lots of one liners, sex, and gore going for it...but that's all it has going for it. Rather than feeling like a more epic and stronger episode of the series, this entry might as well have been an episode of the series. The blend of horror and comedy just doesn't work here like it should (what horror?) and despite some valiant efforts, the film falls flat.

When her brother (Feldman) goes missing, Katherine (Eleniak) hires a somewhat sketchy personal investigator Guttman (Miller) to find him. What Guttman discovers is an underground world of sleaze and death as a bordello operating out of a funeral home takes in guests and kills them. This coven of female vampires is lead by the queen of the undead, Lilith (Everhart), and she seems to be controlled by a bigger force here. Now its up to Guttman and a handful of bad jokes to end this vampire nightmare and hopefully save the day.

"Tales From The Crypt" has always been able to blend the humor and the horror well. The cryptkeeper is full of bad puns and cheesy lines, but more often than not the stories actually have depth to them. Not this one. The cheese is in full fragrance here and someone definitely cut it when it comes to dialogue. Don't get me wrong, Dennis Miller can be funny, but his rapid fire jokes and word play gets real fucking repetitive by about 15 minutes in. It doesn't help that I could care less about any of the characters with their weak back stories and very cheesy plot developments (like our TV host on religion). We occasionally get some great over the top moments, like our eventual shoot out of holy water in the final act with exploding vampires left and right, but more or less the film just tries to be too funny too often and forgets its a horror film too.

In all honesty, I don't feel like this film really works too well. The casting is all hit and miss, the directing is pretty standard, and despite a nice crossover element concerning the key from "Demon Knight", the film feels like an average episode of the series. Miller gets annoying and the plot loves to twist in all the obvious directions. Unless you are a fan of random breasts that fill the screen in full shots or Miller's ceaseless jokes and bad acting, then this is one that is only a potential one time watch. Only for fans of the TV show really.

BONUS PRAISE: I actually enjoyed the final twist at the end. Of course, I won't give it away here for those who haven't seen it, but its rather fun and very much in the vein of the series. Not all that clever, but a nice way to finish off the film.

Written By Matt Reifschneider