Yeah, you and I both know that its not a good catchphrase, but the sheer absurdity of that line in "XXX" makes it one of its better bits of dialogue instead of the run of the mill spy jargon with an generation X spin that makes up the majority of this Bond knock off. I'll admit, there is a bit of that 'its so bad I was enjoying myself' to this obvious franchise kick off flick, but even so, my logic and keen sense for bullshit made "XXX" only what it was...James Bond for the half wit youth of America.
Xander (Diesel) also known as 'X' is always doing the most insane stunts. He has his own internet release for all of his stunts where he stupidly does 'X game' (oh my God, there's a trend running here) style stunts like parachuting out of a stolen car as it plummits off an insanely high bridge. His nose for analyzing situations through the adrenaline just so happens to make him a target for NSA to recruit to become a secret agent. After being forced to test for this position (by being left in the middle of a drug raid in a foreign country no less), he finds himself stuck in the middle of a conspiracy lead by the secretive Anarchy 99 society which just may...da da dum! END THE WORLD!
"XXX" tries so damn hard to be a James Bond film that by about a half hour in, it just wasn't even funny anymore. Of course, this film lacks a bit of the sophistication of Bond even at his worst and despite being entertaining with its high octane and illogical action sequences, the film is just tries so hard. It's like watching little kids play soccer where all they do is chase and kick the ball out of sheer excitement. No strategy. No plan of attack. Just a whole lot of little kids screaming and kicking a ball. That's what "XXX" is like. It tries so hard to be something that is far too big for what it is. All it does is run around screaming and blowing things up...to somewhat of an entertaining charm if not sad for the most part.
The plot's absurd. The dialogue is horrid and even Vin Diesel's strong screen presence can't necessarily save it from sinking lower and lower into unintentional hilarity. Rob Cohen seems to embrace the action portion of the film so fervently that he forgets to add substance to style for his directing. It's like the good idea of crafting a new franchise to be a young America's new spy hero is too much of a struggle for any one in this film to handle without going insane with the concept, but not being able to express it.
Thusly, "XXX" remains as a film with some oddly intriguing actions sequences of no logic (He decided to take out a communications tower by trying to out snowboard an avalanche that he makes? In what world is that even a fucking choice?), but little of anything past that. It has a few charms here and there as one pities it for trying so hard, but really its just a horrid Bond knock off in the end. Definitely looking forward to the second one....I guess.
Written By Matt Reifschneider
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