Director: Stuart Beattie
Notable Cast: Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Jai Courtney, Yvonne Strahovski
I, Frankenstein has to be some kind of miracle. Not
the kind of miracle that you are thinking of, but it’s a miracle in the sense
that someone out there in Hollywoodland read that script and thought to
themselves “Let’s dump $65 million into this, it should be awesome!” Now that,
my friends, is a fucking miracle. Even as a finished product, I,
Frankenstein is something of a catastrophe on film. The worst kinds of
dialogue. The worst acting from decent actors. The worst plot in the last five
years. While this does lend itself to be unintentionally hilarious, I’m sure
the audience around my sister and myself thought we were the biggest assholes
for laughing the entire time, as a cinephile it’s hard to even justify most of
what was seen on the screen.
After hundreds of years of wandering, Frankenstein’s monster
(Eckhart) finds himself in the middle of a vicious war between demons and
Earth’s protectors, the gargoyles. The demons desperately want the secret to
immortal life for the dead and the gargoyles know they can’t win the war
against an army of the undead. With the help of a random doctor (Strahovski)
the newly named Adam must decide whether or not mankind is worth saving and if
he can even do it.
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| Speaking poorly and carry a big stick you don't need. |
If there is anything that I have to give to I,
Frankenstein it’s that the film takes itself very seriously. All the way
down to a fault. The plot itself is so ridiculous that it’s hard to think that
they could have ever taken it seriously and with the strong cast that they
have, it’s somewhat unbelievable to hear them spouting off the terrible lines
of dialogue. Hearing the ever-charming Bill Nighy desperately trying to work
his way through being a demon villain ranting about Victor Frankenstein or
Aaron Eckhart scowl his way through being one of the most remarkably flat
heroes of the last ten years is cringe worthy, particularly when you consider
the talented actors that both are. Give them a plot that is as serious as it is
nonsensical then you simply have a recipe for disaster.
Yet, I’ve seen plenty of ridiculously bad movies that were
are least enjoyable due to style, action, and/or charm. Luckily, I,
Frankenstein at least has some visual fun up its sleeve, but that’s
about it. Director Beattie, in his sophomore directorial effort, has a knack
for some strong fun visuals, but too often the mass amount of things going on
in the action sequences blurs together in a mess of CGI. There are some rather
cool moments (the bright orange burning of demons sent to hell versus the beams
of blue light as gargoyles go to heaven seems cliché, but it works more often
than not) and while some of the action might have you scratching your head –
including an epic leaping punch to the top of a gargoyle’s head – it’s mostly
entertaining in a bad sort of way.
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| I see a bad...movie...rising. |
While I have to say that I, Frankenstein is a
ridiculous train wreck of a film, I do admit in a very unintentional and
humorous way it was a blast to watch. It’s not good. Oh God, it’s far from
good, but for those with the right sense of humor it’s probably worth the
watch. Probably. Maybe. Okay, really it’s still fucking awful, but it’s better
to laugh than cry at the movie theater.
Written By Matt Reifschneider
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