Director: Justin Dec
Notable cast: Elizabeth Lail, Jordan Calloway, Talitha Eliana
Bateman, PJ Byrne
Horror is an interesting genre to be a specific fan of. It
tends to have the least studio oversight owing to lower overall budgets. This
has been used to phenomenal effect over the years telling bigger, more
insightful stories than you’d assume its plot allows. Hereditary and
it’s exploration of family dynamics and legacy, Babadook and it’s
exploration of mental health, The Shining and whatever interpretation
is popular at the time. On the
other hand, this can go the other way as
well. With low budgets and low expectations come the people who see horror as
low hanging fruit. A quick buck to be made, since they only have to be
interesting enough to get comparatively few butts in seats to be profitable,
and even if they’re not, they can license the movie out to several streaming
services. The bottom line is they will make money, by and large, so they can be
low effort.
I’m not trying to brush this lower effort class of film with
a broad, universally terrible brush, because that wouldn’t be strictly fair.
There are flashes of real ideas in these sometimes. I’m not saying Countdown
is one of these better than it should be movies, quite the opposite actually,
but I am trying to highlight that I believe there was potential, and perhaps
potential in the future, because the idea here is actually pretty cool. In
theory.
We open at a safe PG-13 party, where people are sitting
around drinking and decide to download an app that tells you when you’ll die. One girl gets a particularly short clock. This causes her to not get in the
car with her drunk boyfriend, who then crashes into a tree. It’s reasonably clear
she would’ve died in the passenger seat had she been in the car, but that
doesn’t matter, as the app tells her she broke the user license agreement
(you gotta read those every time…) and she mysteriously dies when she was
supposed to anyway. It’s here we meet our main character Quinn (Once Upon A
Time’s Elizabeth Lail), on her first day as a licensed nurse, treating the
drunk driving boyfriend from earlier who is now panicked, as he downloaded the
app and his timer zeros out during his coming surgery. He, too, avoids the
surgery where he gets a warning for breaking the EULA and is found at the bottom of a
stairwell very dead at his prescribed time. So Quinn, who has downloaded the
app herself and gotten a deadline of days, believes in the phenomena enough to
try and break her own curse. In the meantime, random spooky things happen, as
people who used the app are haunted by a tall cloaked figure that can only be
seen in mirrors. Working out the specifics of the curse requires a new friend who is running out of time himself, an old priest, a young
priest (PJ Byrne, as the film’s saving grace, a demonology obsessed priest who
thinks the whole situation is “cool”), and a tech guru who owns a small phone
repair shop in a strip mall.
I’ll spare you my spoiling the literal specifics here, but basically, it is a demon app and the film is mostly focused on breaking an ancient curse
that’s using modern technology to express itself because reasons. Not reasons
that are given, but reasons, presumably, anyway. And herein lies the film's
primary and most significant issue. It’s a hook and nothing else. The idea of
what’s ostensibly a Buzzfeed quiz killing you is actually a pretty great one
and even the way it plays out like a small scale Final Destination film
in each scene is actually a fun idea as well (though, full disclosure, I’m a
sucker for the Final Destination franchise). As a matter of fact, I’d
wager Countdown would be much more entertaining if it had ripped more
off of the Final Destination movies because the kills in Countdown
are largely in the “dropped from three to fifteen feet in the air on their
head” mold, which is fun enough the first time. I guess.
But even with no other change, having elaborate, violent
‘Rube Goldberg machine’ like death scenes would’ve raised my score by several
points. There is the PG-13 horror film’s reliance on jump scares as well,
always disappointing, but especially so in this case where other kinds of
scares and tension are almost in-built. I’d go so far as to say that given the
plot’s potential set up for both gut-wrenching, nearly claustrophobic anxiety
with the time limit combined with the endless potential for body horror in a
well-made kill scene (especially one with an
invisible force as a killer) this movie’s mediocrity in both of these
ways is really disappointing, instead spending all of its time doing the thing
where a ghastly apparition is doing impossible ghost things in front of a
character, disappearing only to reappear, wait for it, behind the character with
a musical spike. It’s lazy, it’s boring, and it’s disappointing. Or would be if
you couldn’t smell the “below average” coming off of this movie from a mile
off. I suppose it’s more accurate to say it’s just lazy and boring.
This one is a definite wait until it hits VOD if you bother
at all. Maybe you can have a mediocre PG-13 demon/ghost movie marathon with
this, The Possession, The Unborn and countless others and salvage some fun out
of it. Maybe.
Written By Sean Caylor
Countdown (2019) Full free movie
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